Previously...
Coop will not stop twittering.
Dr. Cooper lodged a formal complaint against you.
Against me? For what?
Insubordination and general bitchiness.
- How are we on time? - We're good.
Just don't get fancy.
- What do we got? - Jackie, really, go.
I tried to kill myself.
I OD'd on some drugs trying to get a girl's attention.
I'm executive of my mother's estate
and as such, it would mean the world if I could
set up a college fund for the girls, if for no other reason than taxes.
We went to high school together.
- A million years ago. - Half a million.
She was the queen.
She said that her mom was dad's girlfriend before you.
Please.
There's been a problem with shrinkage.
And frankly, any shrinkage makes us all look bad
even if it's just Imodium.
And it's never just the Imodium, people.
What is hospital policy regarding lost or found drugs?
Don't worry. I'll take care of it.
Why so desperate?
Do you want to get your ass kicked?
Don't Mess with the Nurse Team
.:: La Fabrique ::.
www.sous-titres.eu
- I don't think these are done. - She's making our cupcakes flat.
Stop doing that, Fi.
Maybe I should try one.
No way.
Hello.
Stop.
Kaitlyn?
So?
I'm less than thrilled.
We agreed it was good for Grace to have play dates with her friends.
And right now she only has one.
So...
That looks like fun.
Grace's tuition is killing us.
Well, about that,
O'Hara's mom died and left her some money
and she wants to set something up for the girls.
I know she's your friend, but no.
We should think about it.
- Money always comes with strings. - Not always.
We took money from our moms.
Both times we regretted it.
Yes, that is true.
Can we mull it over for a while?
Mull over taking money from a crazy person?
- She's not crazy. - She lives in a hotel.
- Because she's rich. - Most rich people live in houses
or high-rises or villas.
Not hotels.
It doesn't make her crazy.
By the way, that Kaitlyn is a big, fat snot.
- That's all I'm saying. - I'm keeping an eye on it.
You're a good dad.
I know.
- Jesus, Kaitlyn, you scared me. - Grace said there was
a bomb shelter down here. I wanted to see if she made it up.
Grace does not make things up.
She worries about things that don't make sense.
You should get her some help.
Is that right? Are you a shrink?
What did you do with the straw?
You weren't supposed to see that.
It was a...
trick that nurses use to dry up their tear ducts.
Why do you need to do that?
Because we see a lot of pain and suffering during the day
and we don't want to come home and cry in front of our families.
I need a hug.
Can I have one?
I made too much tater tot hot dish
so I thought i'd bring some over.
Kaitlyn says you guys order a lot of pizza.
Well, we happen to love pizza.
Doing the bills?
Every month.
I wish my husband did the bills.
The girls are in the kitchen.
In the kitchen.
Don't those look yummy?
Yummy yummy yummy.
Thank you for coming over.
These are for you.
Thank you. I can't wait to taste them.
Grace doesn't want any. Can I have hers?
You don't want any?
They touched them with their bare hands
full of their bacteria.
I washed my hands in front of you like you told me to.
- She made me wash my hands. - Washing your hands is sanitary.
Thanks for setting a good example.
Washing them every two minutes
- is kind of crazy if you ask me. - That's a lot.
Not if you don't wanna get swine flu and die from it.
You know, I am a nurse and she has a good point.
You can never wash your hands too much.
Well, we should probably be going.
Thank you so much for having Kaitlyn over.
Sure, you bet.
We'll just say goodbye to Kev. Bye-bye.
We are so not eating that.
If anybody asks, Fiona's allergic to potatoes.
No, I'm not.
You want me to lie?
There are good lies and there are bad lies.
It's a little complicated.
What are you shopping here for?
This stuff costs ten times more than at a real grocery store.
Buddy, I'll be honest with you.
I was worried about you.
You took an OD and had your stomach pumped.
Did you do it 'cause of
this place?
I didn't do it because of this place.
Whatever you say. I'm here to support, not judge.
Prepare for a mind explosion.
I'm on the list of the top 25 docs
in all Manhattan.
I don't know what to say.
I know, right?
I bought all this so I wouldn't get you in trouble with your boss.
I am my boss.
You are?
- They pay you decent? - That's personal.
Come on, seriously? With me, there's no such thing.
I already knew that.
We kind of have a shorthand.
Don't you think? A little bit?
You and me.
Sending a text?
Nope. Tweeting.
- Letting people know where I am. - What people?
My followers.
I have 240.
You should try it. A guy like you would have 100.
No thanks.
So if you need anything or just want to talk,
you're on my way to work. I can drop in anytime you want.
Anyway, who told you? Jackie?
It's all over the hospital.
Shit.
No worries.
I sent out a tweet saying you're totally alive.
Please don't do that.
All right.
It's probably still pretty much an open wound for you.
But Jackie told you, right?
No, I think it was Thor. The diabetic.
So did she say anything, Jackie?
Truth be told, we're not talking at the moment.
In fact, I had to file a complaint against her
with Akalitis.
For insubordination.
I will crush her!
I should get to work.
You sure you're okay?
Sometimes I get migraines.
I mixed some meds,
I drank a few beers. It was mistake, no big deal.
I'm good. In fact, I'm great.
Tell everybody
or not.
- Whatever you say. - All right.
She left the house,
I chucked the whole thing in the garbage.
I know that if she had her way, she would be Mrs. Ginny Payton.
I'd be going home to some other dude.
If you want to avoid people from your past,
I recommend moving to another country.
Worked for me.
I don't want Kaitlyn's snottiness to rub off on grace.
Snot is viral. Snottiness is not.
So anyway,
I talked to Kevin about your idea of the gift for the girls
It just makes him uncomfortable.
Do you know what would make him really uncomfortable?
A daughter who's a lap dancer.
Take the money.
Get them an education.
"25 best doctors in Manhattan."
"Number 23. All Saints Hospital,
- "Dr. Fitch Cooper." - How did this happen?
It's a bloody outrage.
Where the fuck am I?
- What do we got? - Dog bite.
Facial laceration. Lost a lot of blood. Heart rate's through the roof.
He wasn't bitten, but mauled.
Great Dane bit him after he tried to resuscitate it.
Resuscitate a Great Dane?
The garden. North Hampton dog show.
Dog had a heart attack.
Danes have over sized hearts.
Guy's wife is freaking.
- What'd he say? - No idea. IV morphine.
And page maxillo-facial.
That's because he can't say "plastics".
My nuts.
"My nuts"?
Let's have a look.
What?
His scrotum is intact, but it's just hanging there.
It seems empty.
Holy shit. His testicles have migrated...
Migrated.
Like birds.
... into his pelvic wall.
They can do that?
It's very rare. I've never seen it before.
It's an automatic anatomic response to attack by predator.
Back in the olden days?
Primitive man versus sabertooth tiger?
It's not that big of a deal.
just really painful.
Page urology.
That's my call. I get to say that.
Page urology.
- Mrs. Fogulson? - How's my husband?
The facial wounds are pretty severe.
We have a great plastic surgeons, he's in very good hands.
I feel horrible.
We'll probably be banned from the Kennel Club.
But he saved Bartholomew's life.
- Is that right? - Do you have dogs?
Why not?
- Kids. Lots of kids. - Kids love dogs.
My boys are allergic.
- Zyrtec. - We don't take pills in our family.
By the way, your husband's testicles have migrated.
Migrated?
We'll let you know as soon as we find them.
God, these gloves are so tight.
I feel like O.J.
That's the third time you've said that today.
Like your material's fresh.
Are you wearing eyeshadow?
Maybe. Why?
You look nice.
Back off.
Dr. Cooper, this just came to my office by mistake.
Apparently, it's from your mother.
How did that happen?
Just getting a little recognition for all my good work, I guess.
You paid a publicist?
I have a publicist, yes,
but it's not why I was chosen for the list
of the best 25 doctors in Manhattan.
But you do pay a publicist, am I right?
- You paid a publicist. - Stop saying that.
Congratulations.
Congratulations would seem to be in order.
23 out of 25 people.
23.
Out of...
a lot.
Would you mind putting this in my office?
Just be careful with it.
Do I look like a pack mule to you?
You do know he just made a list of the 25 best doctors in Manhattan?
I heard.
He paid a publicist.
He did?
Of course he did. How do you know that?
He told me.
Shit.
- What have you done? - I messed up my hand
on that gurney transfer.
Middle finger.
Dislocated?
It's better than fucking up my back, I guess.
Want me to have a look?
Thanks.
It's too bad. I had a long list of people I was gonna flip off.
I'll have to wait.
Yes, we'll have you expressing your hostility in no time.
What is this American obsession with lists?
Top 10 this, top 20 that.
Nice manicure.
My sister has a salon on Sullivan.
That's what I'm talking.
Word of mouth, not some poxy list.
- That really hurts. - Because it's really
out of joint.
As if being on a list could make you a better doctor.
I'm gonna puke.
- You'd better not. - I think I need to lie down.
Want me to wrap that for you?
You just punched in my number.
No, I most certainly did not.
Yes, you did. 11-19-86. That's my birthday.
11-19...
66...
is what I punched in.
That's not my pin number.
It most certainly is not.
I can't believe your pin number is almost exactly the same as mine.
Yes, it's called coincidence.
Can I help you with something?
We got this guy whose cell phone exploded in his face...
Second-degree burns.
Got to get him some morphine
from the gumball machine.
I just made that up on the spot.
It's pretty cool.
Are you wearing perfume?
Why? Is it bad?
Does it make me smell like an old lady?
But I am pretty sure Mrs. Akalitis is wearing the same thing.
I need you for half the next shift.
Me specifically?
I need someone to cover triage for half a shift.
All right.
What is it that you're doing?
- Tweeting. - Why do you feel the need to do this?
Because he doesn't have any real friends.
As a matter of fact I do. His name Eddie and I just saw him.
How's he doing?
Great. He works over at excelsior drugs around the corner,
if you followed me on twitter, you would've known that 3 hours ago.
Fascinating.
You're being sarcastic I can tell, but it is...
Jump on the social networking train.
You won't regret it.
Could you find out, what Bellevue's lowest bid on medical waste removal is?
- It doesn't work like that. - And the fat content of a lemon bar?
Could it tell me that?
Then what good is it?
Can I help you?
Are you wearing L.A.M.B. by Gwen Stefani?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
If you're gonna drink, you're gonna do it outside.
Gracias.
No problemo.
I need you to be at the house when the girls get there.
- I got to cover half the next shift. - I can't.
I'm heading to Jamaica Bay to pick up the new bar stools.
You're kidding me.
- Who are we gonna get to be there? - I could call Ginny.
She said she's always available.
Yes, I have no doubt. Absolutely not.
- Why not? She's in the neighborhood. - I don't want her alone in our house.
- That's why not. - She wouldn't be alone.
She'd be with the girls.
If you had called me earlier, we might have more options.
Do not call Ginny Flynn.
- Who's watching the bar? - I'm gonna lock it up.
You couldn't have had the stools delivered, for Christ's sake?
Are you giving me a hard time
because for once I'm the one stuck at work?
Do not call Ginny Flynn.
If I don't get him upstairs and get into these facial wounds,
he's gonna suffer more tissue damage.
I need 10 minutes in the OR to pull his testicles back down.
That can wait.
Do you have any idea what kind of pain this guy's in?
You're saying his severely mauled face isn't painful?
- Apparently that's a matter of opinion. - You have no idea...
Not good. They've been going at it for almost 10 minutes.
- You do boob jobs. - Augmentation.
- And reconstruction. - Reconstructing flat-chested strippers.
This is not in the least bit cosmetic, pally.
Come on, it's the Holy Grail of urology.
You're pathetic.
What's that, honey?
That was "do my balls."
Told you.
We got a guy in 3 with second-degree burns
in the shape of a cell phone.
Can you take him up to surgery?
Don't worry. We'll put everything back where it belongs.
- Cell phone burn. Did you get... - Fourth flour.
Who is he?
Not an actual person, just a location.
Party on Staten Island.
But there will be people there?
And there will be one particular person.
- Hair down. - Good call.
I think you should refrain
from discussing personal information about coworkers.
- What are you talking about? - About Coop having a publicist.
- Are you serious? - I am. Very serious.
I thought you didn't even like that guy.
That is beside the point.
You are gonna bust my balls every chance you get, aren't you?
You were just drinking.
- Do you understand what I'm saying? - No.
- That's bullshit.
Here.
Pay attention.
Oh my God. I don't think I've ever seen you eat.
I like to hide my humanity, Dr. O'hara.
Or at least keep it to a minimum.
Is there room for two on that savior?
I don't want his career or the attention
or the magazine articles.
- Is this Dr. Cooper? - I come to work, I keep my head down,
I do my best, which is pretty impressive.
And some knob with a square jaw and a publicist
- starts prancing around like a... - It's demoralizing.
It is.
And you wonder...
"What is my incentive to keep bringing my best?"
I've been at All Saints since 1978.
Oh my God. That's 30...
Stop doing the math.
Do you really care
what a group of magazine editors
that dole out stars for the best street burrito
and eyeliner
think about health-care providers?
If I want anything, it's to know that you know that I'm a better physician.
Does it help to know that you're in my all-time top five?
Wait. Who are the other four?
I'm a friend of Kevin's.